Over the past years, I’ve done a lot of soul-searching in my recovery from codependence. I did not have my own identity, and I didn’t even know what things I really liked to do, watch, or listen to. I’d like you to ask yourself, “When was the last time that I did something completely for myself?” What did you do? What do you remember the best about it? I know for me, it had been almost my entire life that I did things for others and not for myself.

Doing things for ourselves and having our own identities is so important to our health and well-being. When I started recovery and learned about these things, I didn’t know how to go about finding out who I was or the things that I liked. A recovery friend told me about the idea of dating myself, and I knew that it was something I could do to find out a little more about myself, and I hope you can too.

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Part of finding out who we are involves a lot of guess and check. We don’t know if we like or dislike an activity until we try it. We can take a guess, but now we want to KNOW. I’d like you to take a moment to write down a few things about yourself. What do you know you like, and what do you know you dislike? After that, I’d like you to write down a few things that you are unsure of doing. Is there something you would be willing to try? If so, go for it! Keep adding to this list when you think of things.

Another important part of dating yourself is being kind to yourself. Think about how you would treat someone you liked that you were on a date with. You would probably be your kindest self, asking thoughtful questions and perhaps even complimentary. This is the way you should be treating yourself!

Treat yourself to dates by yourself (or even invite a friend!) when you’ve had a hard day. You don’t have to always do something new! Sometimes we need our tried and true methods of relaxation, and that is absolutely okay. Dating yourself is about taking care of yourself and getting to know yourself!


  1. Do new things you wouldn’t normally try, and make note of the things you would be willing to do again
  2. Be kind to yourself, much like you would a close friend
  3. Treat yourself to dates by yourself

How much do you know about yourself? Are you willing to learn more? How can you take care of yourself? What support might you need? Be sure to share your thoughts and questions using the comment section below so we can all learn from and help each other…


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